I just read about a new thing that allows you to use your iPhone to watch workouts as you do them. I can’t decide if I think this is cool, or totally lame. I think I’m leaning toward lame. Here’s how it works. A company called PumpOne makes portable videos. They team up with the fitness experts at Men’s Health magazine to create step by step exercise routines and they film fitness models doing them. 

Enter you, the customer. These routines walk you through what exercise to do and how to do it properly. You pay ten bucks per routine, download them on your iPhone, and Voila! You are an instant morphing of Steve Jobs and Denise Austin - a trend setting, gadget guru, walking, talking, lunging, squatting, fitness fanatic.

Why am I having a hard time being positive about this? Oh yeah, because I am a late tech adopter and resist and fear technology like it’s a bad case of the runs. But let’s think through this in an open-minded fashion.

I just don’t understand when and how people will be using it. (That was my attempt at being open minded.)

Let’s talk practicality.  Is everyone supposed to be walking around the gym staring at his or her iPhone? I hate even having to carry and keep track of my gym towel, why would I want to hold an electronic gadget the whole time? Especially when that gadget is also my little black book. My email. My personal world. My calendar. My life. (I’m assuming this is how I’d feel if I owned one, but I don’t.)

Also, what about the forgetfulness factor? Are people not worried about being so fatigued after our their last set of ab crunches that they might forget the little sucker by the sweaty mat as they hobble out to their car wiping sweat from their brow with the aforementioned gym towel?

And how does working out with a contraption work logistically?  It’s not like an IPOD you can strap to your body as you work out, since the whole concept is built around viewing the screen. And you can’t hold the iPhone and the dumbbells at the same time, so you’ll have to prop up the iPhone somewhere as you’re doing your curls. I don’t even think it comes with a mounting device, and if it did, can you imagine?

“Excuse me sir, I’m just going to temporarily mount this to the back of your bench while you do your incline chest press. Do you mind if I raise the back a bit more so it’s at a better angle for me to view it from over here? Don’t mind me; keep doing your workout. Sir, don’t flatter yourself; I’m watching my gadget, not your- err uh, um - not your gadget.

And what about the potential for the iPhone to get smashed by one of the dumbbells? Or one of the weights! Wink. (Get it?) 

And it’s not like the screen is the size of a television set, so how am I going to put it close enough to make for practical viewing? Do I lay it on the floor and just stare down during my entire workout? That’s not proper form. And my neck would get a kink. What about during my ab workout when I’m lying down? Do I squeeze the iPhone precariously between my knees? It gives double meaning to doing crunches. You crunch your iPhone as you crunch your abs.

Assuming I do find the ideal spot to set my iPhone down while doing my routine in the free weight area, what if  five other people are watching their iPhone routines at the same time, and I accidentally get my iPhone mixed up with someone else’s and don’t realize it until I’m receiving calls later that night from guys named Zeek and Tony wanting to know when they can deliver my next supply of “juice.”

Or worse yet, what if I’m the only one watching an iPhone routine and everyone else gets so fascinated by it that they start crowding me and cramping my style just to steal a peek of the video? Could happen. And if it did, what’s the etiquette? Do I hit the pause button and just stare at the curious crowders and crampers until they back away? Or do I cover the iPhone with my hand like my fourth grade spelling tests when John Tyler used to try to cheat off of me? (I was a good speller.)

I don’t know, gals. I’m not feelin’ the love. I don’t think the PumpOne and Men’s Health people thought this all the way through. Or, perhaps PumpOne teamed up with Men’s Health for a good reason. This might just be a man thing. In fact, I am certain of it.