The other day  a friend commented on the dorky looking glasses women wear while working out, and suggested we write a piece on some of the feminine looking eyewear options available. I got stuck on the dorky part.

 “What do you mean by dorky?” I asked.

 “You know”, she said. “Those big goofy athletic and masculine looking ones with the weird lenses.”

 I gave her a blank look, so she continued with the optical descriptions and observations.

The more she talked, the more it sounded like she was getting dangerously close to describing my favorite BluBlocker infomercial-bought shades from 1990.

 “Are you still married to those things?” She asked.

 “No, but we are seriously dating, and practically engaged.” I responded.

 “You should break up.” She said without missing a beat.

 “They block the blue rays!” I answered defensively.

“Well, you know what else they block? They block the man rays. You are much too cute and much too single to be wearing those in public.” She scolded.

 “Well sometimes I mix it up with my other ones when I play beach volleyball.” I explained.

 “You mean those Cory Hart-tribute shades you go around in?”

“My black Ray Bans?” I asked. “No, I only wear those at night.” I winked. She got the joke.

“Actually,” I explained, I’m talking about my other BluBlockers - the tortoise shell, wrap around Viper, ski-goggle style, sport frames.” I explained.

“Okay. The fact that the phrase ‘ski-goggle style’ was even part of your description tells me that you are one of those dorks I’m talking about.” She said.

Wow. And I always thought my ex-boyfriends refused to go running with me because they were afraid my short little legs couldn’t keep up with their long strides. I’m starting to realize maybe they were afraid  I could keep up with them, and they’d have to be seen with the walking billboard for un-cool that my friend says that I am.

The problem for me is, my perception is a little off from everyone else’s, because I don’t feel un-cool when I wear my Viper wraparounds. I am enamored with my BluBlockers, and even talking about other brands makes me feel like I  am cheating on  my true love that has loyally stood by me and steadfastly stayed in place through countless sporting events. They were my partner on numerous slides into home base on the softball field.

When my own brothers took me down a much too steep hill on my first mountain biking trip in the desert, it was the Vipers that protected my eyes from sand and dirt when I crashed, not my brothers. 

Those beauties were my windshield on white water rafting trips when the water splashes were so intense everyone else had to close their eyes and risk falling overboard. But not me. And when I took a soccer ball to the face in my first outdoor soccer game in ten years, did they crack under the pressure? No. And do they ever leave painful red dents on the side of my nose? Never.

I credit them with saving my life on a sweaty trek up Camelback Mountain in Arizona where I might have been bitten by a rattlesnake had it not been for the clarity of my BluBlocker lenses to spot the slithering sucker in time.

My BluBlockers’ allegiant presence got me through my first horrifying water skiing attempt during a day at the lake, more aptly described as a 10,000 gallon douche, as I was too afraid to leave the squat position and too afraid to let go of the ropes.

My Vipers loved me through the entire gruesome twelve minutes, all the while protecting my eyes from the reflection of the sun off the water. And like a true friend, they held my hair back while I was puking at sea  on my first sailing trip. I never knew I was prone to sea sickness, but my loving eyewear didn’t judge me for it.

Once, on an excursion through Arches National Park in Utah, my wraparound Vipers loyally protected my dignity  by hiding my tears when my fear of heights kicked in with a vengeance after I was already fifty feet off the ground stuck to the side of a rock formation. All I could do was cry, as I gripped the jagged rock waiting for help. But my little orange lens wonders hid the evidence and withstood the moisture from my tears, never once sliding out of place, never threatening to fall before I did, or jump to safety without me. If I was going down, they were pledging to splat right along with me.

So, needless to say, my love affair with BluBlockers is going to continue, but it doesn’t mean I can’t  provide you, my loyal readers, with  information about other eyewear options that are both fashionable and fit for sporting activities.

My friends have been fans of Oakley and Maui Jim glasses for years. They describe these brands as offering a cross between stylish everyday glasses, and full performance sport glasses. It goes without saying that all of these protect thoroughly against the harmful UV rays. But it’s the other details we know you all care about!

1. Disobey-These are great because the frame is made to prevent getting snagged or caught in    your hair. They have high definition optics with amazing clarity. (If anyone does the rattlesnake test with these, that I mentioned above, please let us know how they fare). They are made with impact resistant plutonite, which means they should withstand some pretty intense action. $170.00

2. Belong – These babies have slightly curved optics which give better peripheral view and best of all, help prevent crow’s feet! The curved frame is great for comfort and the cutesy ornamental details at the temples. They come in various colors and there is even a bronze lens option. They come with a nice eyewear case too! $170.00

3. Script – If anything were to get me to cheat on my BluBlockers it would be these beauties! PINK Script Oakley’s. They are lightweight, and stress resistant. The wire core temples make for easy adjustments and a more secure fit.

Okay, okay. There are two other styles from Maui Jim sunglasses that I might be willing to have an affair with as well. Here they are:

1. Splash - They are very comfortable with cozy nose grips, they are hingeless, and they are supposed to be very durable, though I’ve only tried them on, I’ve never played sports in them. But  by the name of them I have a feeling they might have worked on my whitewater rafting trip as well.

2. Lehua- I love the Hawaiian names – these babies kind of remind me of my BluBlockers- but for all the right reasons. These are from their Classic Collection so I’d say they are more for sitting on the beach than hard core sporting activities. But they are a pretty brown and they cover the sides of your eyes too! Very classy!

MauiJim

In the time it took me to write this, my BluBlockers proposed marriage and we are tying the knot in a beautiful sunset ceremony overlooking the ocean, and you’re all invited!