There’s one thing that scares me about marriage. Well okay, more than one thing, but the one that’s top of mind is the fact that marriage seems to reduce the sex in a relationship. It seems like all the married people I know are getting laid less often than when they were dating each other. 

I would think proximity and access to each other every day would increase it, but what do I know – I’m single and not having to contend daily with the concept that familiarity may in fact, breed contempt.  I’ve heard all the reasons from both sides, on why sex dwindles in a lot of marriages.

Men say it’s because women stop wanting it, or become such naggers about other parts of the relationship that men get turned off. Women, on the other hand, say they would still want it if their men hadn’t gotten lazy with the emotional nurturance of the relationship by doing the sweet, romantic things they did while dating. Many women also complain about what I call “diet sex.” This is when men give up the Haagen Dazs brand of sex that was the norm before marriage, and exchange it for sex-lite which is the low fat, less sugar, no flavor version of sex. In other words, men take a lot of the good stuff, that women like, out of the recipe; such as long, passionate kisses, and other ingredients of foreplay. (Hell, I’ve had boyfriends that turn into lazy lovers after six months of dating, so I feel a woman’s pain if she’s stuck with sex-lite for years!)

The other reason sex frequency declines, and both genders agree on this, is due to lack of time, if kids are part of the equation.

Well, guess what? All you spouses better work through these issues and get back to doing what comes naturally, because there is growing evidence (about six inches worth, I think), that the health benefits of sex, to both men and women, are far too great to justify forgoing it. You married people should be cashing in on this knowledge, because the studies indicate that some of the benefits correlate with what marriage offers you, and are less attainable with sex outside of a loving, trusting, monogamous relationship. Especially for women.

First of all, orgasm during sex, in both men and women, causes oxytocin levels to increase to five times normal levels. This is the bonding hormone that makes two people feel closer. Oxytocin levels can also rise to a lesser degree during other forms of affection and nurturing. In women, the hormone stays at elevated levels longer than in men. This can be a good thing if you are in a loving, monogamous relationship. If not, well you run the risk of being emotionally bonded to someone to a greater degree than you might want to be, which, according to Michael Gurian, researcher in neuro-biology, may actually cause depression.

Oxytocin releases endorphins, which are neurotransmitters, or brain chemicals, that send electrical messages through the nervous system. They play a role in reducing the sensation of pain, as well as increasing feelings of euphoria, regulating appetite, reducing stress, enhancing immune response, and releasing beneficial sex hormones.

Another benefit of monogamous, married sex over single sex, (assuming no STD factors or pregnancy risks are a concern), is that you can forgo the condom, and by doing so, women may benefit from the prostaglandin in male semen, which is thought to modulate hormone levels in women, which can have a beneficial effect on a woman’s mood. A Study by Gordon Gallup, in 2002 which looked at 293 women, showed that those whose partners did not use condoms had a reduced risk of depression than women whose partners did wear them.

Sex also improves life expectancy. For men, having sex three or more times a week reduces the risk of heart attack or stroke by half.  It makes sense, because during sex, a person’s heart rate rises from about 70 to 150 beats per minute. It can give you a cardio workout equal to a 15 minute run on a treadmill. It has also been shown that people who have sex once or twice a week have 30% higher levels of the antibody called immunoglobulin A, which boosts the immune system.

Another huge benefit to men, is the benefit to the prostate. Some urologists believe that there is a link between prostate cancer and infrequency of ejaculation. A study published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third, their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week. The benefits in this regard are the same, regardless of how ejaculation is achieved. Imagine how happy a guy is to get that prescription: “One Jenna Jamison video QD with or without food - Make sure to blow your load at least 5X per week.” He’s a happy patient.

So ladies, if you’re not giving it up that often to your man, don’t hassle him about jerking off, because it’s good for his health. It should be noted that in terms of increasing men and women’s cancer risk, once again, the statistics are stacked in favor of a monogamous relationship. For example, having sex with multiple partners increases a man’s cancer risk by up to 40%, mainly due to his increased risk of contracting an STD. It goes without saying; use condoms.

So, you should now be convinced that if you have a great, monogamous partner, sex should be treated as a daily vitamin. If loving each other and the potential for an orgasm is not enough incentive to get you in the sack more often, the health benefits for both you and your guy should be! So, what is everyone waiting for? Grab your man and go get you some!