By now you’ve all probably heard that Larry Flynt, whose brainchild was Hustler, and  Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame, are leading the charge for a government “bail out” for the porn industry, just like it is doing for the auto industry. Even though the porn industry isn’t going under, sales are going down. To the porn industry, “going down” has a totally different meaning, and it is not used to the phrase in reference to its profits. So, why not give the industry a little economic Viagra shot to bring it back up?

The way I see it, if the government is subsidizing big business with my tax dollars, I’d rather have them throw money at an industry I can see value in. After all, Shouldn’t our money be invested in an industry that has already shown that it knows how to be profitable, rather than an industry that persists in driving itself (literally and figuratively) into the ground?

And besides, government and sex have always gone hand in hand. Can you say Bill and Monica? And what about all those girls who haven’t yet gone wild, but were just waiting for their chance? More money means more jobs. Come on, throw a girl a bone…er.

But there are even better reasons than those. Here are the top reasons why the government should give bail out money to the porn industry:

Because….

1.At least with the porn industry we’d all be seeing a return on our investment, since it continues to stay profitable while other businesses don’t.

2. With the economy continuing to take a nosedive, and more people being laid off, there will be a lot of people at home with nothing better to do than to watch porn.

3.Porn viewing and sexual activity may be a nice distraction from financial problems, therefore, more viewing variety will be needed to cheer people up.

4.Porn stars don’t have near the health benefits that auto workers do, yet they put their bodies at far greater risk.

5.The porn industry has played a far more significant role in getting people laid than American cars have. (When’s the last time you laid down for a guy in a Ford Focus?) It’s got to be true, otherwise why do so many men insist on driving Porsches and BMWs?

6.The porn industry produces hummers just like the auto industry does, only better.

7 If I hear one more commercial with a country singer twanging to a tune about an American-made truck, I just might die. I am certain that if losing all our money to irresponsible corporate tycoons and idiotic politicians doesn’t make us puke, that will. (Pipe down you Toby Keith lovers; it’s all in good fun.)

8.Porn makers could afford to create more porn for women’s tastes, which means less videos that perpetuate the idea that all women love to have a guy jizz all over her face. So not hot.

9.With more money, porn makers could afford to either hire better actresses or improve the audio voiceovers so the phony orgasms aren’t so obviously fake.

10. The extra money would allow porn producers to add a disclaimer for men at the beginning of all videos that says, 1. Porn does not excuse you from foreplay. 2. This movie is for titillation and is not meant to be a playbook. If you try these moves at home, be aware that a lot of them are lame, and probably won’t get your woman off. 3. The actress gets off in three minutes because of the magic of editing – remember that.

Bonus Reason:

11. Sex is a necessity for good health, and porn, in reasonable quantities, can help spice up a relationship, improve lagging sex drives, facilitate masturbation, and increase sexual activity overall.