My friend and I were having a debate the other day, about Self.com, but before I give you the details, let me set the stage a little. Remember the old Ally McBeal episodes where Elaine would accuse Ally of getting “snappish” with her? David E. Kelley invented the adjective that every woman could relate to, and applied it to scenarios when one character was being a little too bitchy in conversation. Snappishness was a fundamental part of Ally and Elaine’s relationship. The same is true for my friendship with this particular friend. We love each other, but snappishness is an accepted and appreciated component of how we relate to one another.

I think it stems from my inherent inability to verbally edit out unimportant details when I speak, thereby causing a hunger for the same amount of detail from others, and her natural desire to dole out information in small fragments, requiring a near cross examination to complete a story. In fact, remember that Navy admiral POW (Jeremiah Denton), in Vietnam who blinked with his eyes, in morse code, the word TORTURE in his forced television interview? (Neither do I, because I wasn’t born yet, but I have a vague recollection of the movie about it)

Well, anyway, I am reminded of that POW when I converse with her, because I think that she loathes talking so much, that she would prefer blinking in morse code if she thought anyone would understand her. (And because she acts like she is being tortured when required to speak in complete sentences.)

The fact that it took me two paragraphs to set the stage might give you an indication of how diabolically opposed our communication styles are. 

So, our debate was over Self magazine and Self.com. After I expressed my appreciation for both, my friend tells me that she finds Self “unmanageable.”

“I wasn’t aware Self needed you to manage their empire”; I said, not quite sure what she meant.

 ”Not like that”, she snapped back, Elaine-like, (in her tone that I’ve come to understand means, “You IDIOT! Why don’t you get what I’m saying?”)

I gave her the look. It’s the one that involves a tilted head, raised eyebrows and a very pregnant pause. She has come to interpret this look inaccurately to mean, “I enjoy plunging knives into your abdomen and torturing you into speaking unneccessary words.” In reality, the look really means, “Keep talking, soul sister, my thirst is not yet quenched.”

“It’s unmanageable!” She continued begrudgingly. “The whole thing is unmanageable. The site. The magazine!” She fished for her lipstick and compact, and the look that I have come to know means, “Next topic”, came over her face.

I brought out my look #2, which she has never mistaken as anything other than what it means: ”Connect the dots for me, you human ouija board, because I’m not in seventh grade and I don’t talk cryptic bitch code.” 

“It’s too much!” She said. “It’s just too much information. That site gives me ADD.” She said.

I didn’t bother bringing the chicken and the egg into the mix, but I wanted to explain that it’s actually probably the reverse - her ADD is causing her to feel overwhelmed by the site.

“I like your site better.” She finally added.

“Mine’s a blog. Self is an entire magazine. They’re two different kinds of sites.” I explained.

“Health and fitness. Same thing.” She contested in brilliantly concise fashion.

I was going to tell her all of the reasons I like Self, but decided at that point that it would require more words than her attention span would endure. So instead, I’ll just tell the rest of you about two reasons to check out self.com this week. 

They have information about the latest casting for the second season of She’s Got The Look, the reality show aimed at finding a model over 35 years old. We want one of our f.a.t.* readers to try out!

They also have a breast cancer handbook that is worth checking out.