By: Kristen Townsend

Pick up a copy of any fitness or health magazine, and you are sure to be confronted with images of beautiful, vibrant, beaming couples exercising against spectacular, sunny, mountainous backdrops.  You can almost hear their sweet, encouraging speech to one another, “You can do it!  Only 2 miles to go!  I’m so proud of you!” 

This ideal assumes several things:

A) Both partners enjoy exercise and make it a priority in their lives; B) The couple enjoys one another’s company and finds encouragement in each other’s “coaching”; and C) The relationship regularly incorporates healthy communication.  I hope you and your partner are able to claim A, B and C at all times throughout your relationship.  If, however, you traverse the same peaks and valleys that we do, keep reading…  

It’s true.  Despite the fact that we are crazy about one another, Matt and I do not always fall into the happy, shiny mold when exercising together.  Let’s face it.  Cardio workouts involve hard work, sweat, pain and willpower.  It is not easy to stay motivated even when you exercise independently (if it were, weight gain and obesity would not be issues for so many!).  Add your partner to this scenario, and staying positive throughout a workout becomes even more challenging as other variables are introduced (competition, vulnerability, varying levels of fitness, etc.).

Thus, it is important for couples to be honest about their feelings and attitudes toward exercise BEFORE ATTEMPTING JOINT WORKOUTS.  My early morning runs provide me with stress relief, clarity of thought and alone time: all critical to a healthy mindset which, in turn, affects my relationship with my husband.  In the same way, Matt knows that if he does not run shortly after he returns home in the afternoon, other tasks are sure to vie for his attention. 

We could not (and should not!) work out every single day with each other.  Instead, we’ve set aside a weekly time (as outlined in our previous post) to jointly exercise.  If another time slot avails itself during the week, super.  But, at the very least, we are assured a one-hour walk (although our walks do typically exceed that time-frame).

I would encourage pre-workout preparation for couples wanting to embark on joint exercise.  For better or worse, exercising together brings the relationship into the workout.  If you are struggling to communicate in other areas, you can be sure that communication during a workout will be difficult as well.  To help set the stage for a successful workout with your partner, consider the following:

Make yourselves both beginners: Pick an activity that is new for BOTH of you.  This way, neither of you will feel incompetent and you will have fun learning something new together.  Just be sure that it is something you BOTH will enjoy learning.

Simultaneous workouts:  To start, exercise simultaneously, but not alongside one another.  For example, walk WITH your partner to the nearest park, run or jog INDEPENDENTLY, and then meet up to walk home again.  When running independently, go in opposite directions.  This way, when you cross paths, you can throw out some verbal encouragement (“Nice ass!” or “Lookin’ good!”) without feeling like you are in a competition with one another. 

Mutual rewards: Set a goal with your partner and reward yourselves when you meet it.  For example, after 10 joint workouts, enjoy a couple’s massage at your local spa or splurge on your favorite bottle of wine. 

Like anything else in your relationship, joint exercise will take open communication and a good degree of trial and error before you and your partner figure out what works best for you both.  Just remember that these joint workouts should bepleasurable, first and foremost.  If you are dreading these times with your partner, reassess the activity you’ve chosen and try something new!