You know how sometimes you’ll hear a news story that you know must be a joke, and so you do a reality check in your mind on what day of the year it is to verify whether it’s April Fool’s Day?

And after said reality check, when you realize it’s nowhere near April 1st, you seek out the original source to see if it falls into the category of credible, or if instead, it came from one of those spoof web sites? (And you hope it did, because you hate the story so much that you don’t want it to be true)

Well, that happened to me last night. And after it happened, I had to chug a glass of wine and contemplate my increasing loss of faith in humanity, and my burgeoning suspicion that half of my own gender might be certifiably insane. Are you ready to hear the story? Get your wine and have a seat.

Two women, who apparently don’t realize that young girls are already over-sexualized in our society, at far too young an age, created a line of high heels for babies. If you don’t believe me, you can watch the news clip at Bestweekever.tv

The company is called Heelarious, and the shoes are made of soft material with a flexible heel that bends as the child walks on it. When is the last time that you thought it would be fun to cram an unstable lump of fabric that gives way in unpredictable directions, under your heel and then walk on it?

Did I hear you say never? I thought so.

They say the shoes are only for babies up to six months, but the child in the video is a toddler attempting to walk in them. I don’t know which one is worse - an infant in stiletto pumps, or a toddler - both make me cringe.

We all know how cute it is when kids slip their parents’ shoes on and attempt to be like us, but that’s why it’s cute – the dichotomy between their little bodies and the oversized shoe they are wearing is what highlights their innocence and makes it funny. You shrink a sexy high heel to a miniature version and put it on a baby girl’s puny feet; it looks just plain sick and wrong, if you ask me.  

Isn’t it enough that little girls are being molded into diminutive versions of their mothers by wearing make up, coloring their hair, getting plastic surgery, and wearing revealing clothes at the age when most of us were still playing with dolls years ago? Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe the Heelarious founder didn’t get enough time playing Barbie when she was a girl, so now she has to live out her missed childhood at her daughter’s expense.

The founders say it’s supposed to be cute and funny. But aren’t kids cute and funny enough as it is, without looking like cradle sized versions of Carrie Bradshaw in her Minolo Blahnik MaryJane pumps?  There is something disturbing about women using their daughters as human props for their own or others’ entertainment. Anyone putting these things on their baby, is either suffering from a ridiculously unhealthy shoe obsession, a desperate need for attention, or a narcissistic urge to make their girls exact replicas of themselves. 

These shoes don’t even make good podiatric sense. According to the American Podiatric Medical Association, “allowing the youngster to go barefoot or to wear just socks helps the foot to grow normally and to develop its musculature and strength.”

I’m not a prude, nor closed-minded; and I have a pretty good sense of humor. But I just don’t see the hilarity in Heelarious. Who knows - maybe to get the humor you have to be an inexperienced walker under the age of one, with weak ligaments and an undeveloped arch and sense of balance. I think they’re all laughing between nap times and feedings, but not with their moms. At their moms. That is, up until they get yanked into the podiatrist’s office at age five for that bunion that developed 40 years too early.

In case you are still tempted to get your daughter a pair of the Heelarious shoes, I recommend reading this article on the Better Health site which discusses children’s feet and proper shoe fit, and picking up Barbie Candy Glam Summer for yourself instead.