Get your Pure Insanity Journals out everyone, because it’s time to make another entry! For all those new to this activity, this is where we jot down the latest story that provides concrete proof that we’re all going completely mad. I’m kind of hoping that there won’t be enough stories to fill the pages of our journals, but at the rate we’re going with high heeled babies, and women opting out of what it is to be a woman, I don’t think we’ll even need to fill the journals to make the diagnosis stick.

Today’s topic just may be the clincher. I’ll summarize with one sentence: Perfection-obsessed women take their self-loathing out on their vaginas by turning genital mutilation into a sport that society now calls “Vagina Reconstruction.”

Have you heard of this, ladies? This is the latest and “greatest” in cosmetic procedures that our esteemed medical community is pushing on society, with promises to “correct” and “perfect” the vulva of any woman naive or insecure enough to pay for it. If it weren’t for the fact that women are lining up in droves for these surgeries, I would think that “Vag Repair Services” as a business model was a joke conceived by a high school business economics class filled with sixteen year old boys who were still waiting to see one for the first time.

Is it just me, or is there something skewed about logic that says that the aesthetic benefits of a perfect looking vag outweigh the consequences of not getting to enjoy it for its intended purpose if a slash happy surgeon-version of SNL’s The French Chef, botches the surgery?

And what if they don’t bungle the procedure and everything goes exactly as planned? Like getting a tooth pulled right? Anesthetic wears off and women are back to chewing food in no time, huh? WRONG! Some of these va-jay jays are out of commission for as long as six months, for “healing”.

Obviously there are some cases of deformity that might warrant having such a surgery, but increasingly, vaginaplasty is being treated as a “nip and tuck”-type of cosmetic surgery on what are considered clinically “normal” vaginas of women who are trying to appeal to their own perception of what a porn viewing culture of men’s ideal vagina looks like.

Call me weird, but I think that if you are whacking off the parts of yourself that are necessary for enjoying the sexual pleasure that a man can give you, in order to appeal to some imaginary ideal that you think said man has of what your labia should look like, you are probably missing the forest for the bush……er…..trees.

I have a few questions for all women thinking of taking a hack saw to their precious privates:

1. Is every set of balls worthy of bronzing, and is every penis you encounter worthy of molding the next top selling dildo out of?

2. Is every dangling piece of male anatomy worthy of The Statue of David-like praise?

3. Do you want to carve marble replicas of every johnson and willie you meet?

I’ll answer for you. NO! But when’s the last time you heard of a man going Lorena Bobbit on his own hardware because some woman didn’t think it was beautiful enough to put on display in her imaginary penis art museum? NEVER; because men don’t disfigure themselves due to imagined perceptions of female superficiality.

And in the case of imperfect vulvas, how often does a dude who just got laid go around complaining about a lopsided labia minora? Maybe he likes it that way, and a woman balancing it out like an accountant’s ledger sheet will make him less attracted to it.

Or maybe, he won’t care one way or the other because he loves whatever flower is attached to his beautiful stem. And since men are biologically wired to appreciate variety, maybe this new trend is the equivalent of raining on a man’s polygamous parade!

And even if a man perceives a vagina as imperfect, (or any other body part for that matter) I wonder why it is beyond some women’s comprehension that there are, in existence, amazing, un-superficial men in the world who are capable of loving a woman in spite of her flaws! Give the dudes some credit, ladies. They are not all shallow.

But aside from what men do or don’t like, has everyone forgotten that human beings are all different for a reason much more important than the size of the va jay jay that Biff is burying himself in tonight? The survival of the species not only requires diversity in appearance, to account for variances in taste in potential mates, but it depends on functional and working parts to accomplish the task of creating new life! Hello?! In other words, don’t bludgeon your baby makers, ladies!

As far as I’m concerned, if we as a society, can’t think of something better to do with our medical expertise, than to carve on our women like a bunch of experimental guinea pigs from a college biology class, then we are in dire need of serious contemplation and reflection.

And if we as women, haven’t anything better to do with ten grand and six months of our time, that we choose to spend it on “perfecting” a body part that can’t be seen when walking by a mirror, then we probably need to hit the reset button on our priorities.

I have an idea! How about the next time any of you get the urge to spend your hard earned money to play slice and dice with your perfectly healthy and properly functioning genitalia, take a little walk through the burn unit of a children’s hospital and think about cutting a donation check there, instead.

Here are some other options:

Brooke Army Medical Center Burn Unit (read more here)

New York Firefighters Burn Center Foundation

Children’s Miracle Network

Birth Defect Research For Children